c(:

One month.

It’s been a month since he died. A lot of things have happened. Especially in me. I’ve been depressed, my self-esteem is destroyed, I can’t help but hate myself more than what I actually do. I still haven’t overcome it. I still feel alone in my house.

Most of the followers I have here were his friends, but not mine. None of them talk to me because I’m not Kurt. I always saw how they came to talk to him, now nobody approaches. The only people who is my friend is Oliver and Sarah. Especially Oliver. I feel like he’s the only one that believes in my actual existence. He’s the only person that used to ask about me when Kurt was alive. I don’t really think I have friends out there in the world but him (and my real life friend and girlfriend, of course). I’m surprised he’s been standing me for years now.

Back to the topic, I really miss him. The worst thing is that he let me live. He died so I could live. I remember when me and him were arguing for not having a separated body. We wanted to have our own body, do things together, but it never happened. Oliver said he gave his life for me, he died so I could live like I wanted, he sacrificed so I could be happy. If someone should have died, that should have been me, not him. He had a future, a life forward, and everything ended for him. It’s not fair. I wish he could have been happy, I wish he wouldn’t have died like that. We had a group to run together, we had a story to develop together. Who am I going to work with now? Who is going to be my partner?

I really wish nothing of this would have happened.

Psychiatry fact #2

Antisocial Personality Disorder is wrongly mistaken with people who is reserved and serious by referring to them as “antisocial”, which has nothing to do with the other.

A person with Antisocial Personality Disorder don’t follow the established rules, they feel no remorse at committing horrible things, they have a hostile and cold personality, but from ALL this, they act through impulse. Not because they want. Its something on their minds that make them do that whether they want or not. That is impulse. The person is conscious of what they do but cannot help the urge to commit these actions. They can hurt people to the point of killing them and will not feel any remorse. Nevertheless, an antisocial person never talks about their actions nor what they’ll do. They keep it to themselves because they don’t let others to find out what’s on their minds.

Psychiatry fact #1

A person with Dementia episodes is not conscious of what they do or say. It’s when a person lives deliriums and doesn’t remain on this “world” anymore. This person is capable to do horrible things to themselves and everyone surrounding them and will never know what nor why they did that.

You know? I wanted to rp with my OC Carcino and Kurt’s OC Murdock, but I forgot he wasn’t here. I was so used to talk to him that now I forget I just talk to myself.